Wednesday, December 23

i'm homesick.


home is the place i can breathe. the place where my troubles slip away. where i laugh with ease and smile candidly. the place that has served as my harbor. home is where my family is. the place that we throw our cares away and hold eachother close even when it seems that just outside those walls dark clouds are forming and the world is caving in. the place i can be my age, be as i should be. a little less burdoned, a lot less alone. the place i lay on my bed and laugh, the place i curl up on my bed and cry.
how i've taken that place for granted. taken for granted having a full fridge and pantry, cooked meals, being toasty warm, those irreplacable hugs, not being an inconvenience, the conversation, the stories, the atmosphere, someone to take care of me, someone to love me. all of it. i felt as if i was entitled to it, im not. not at all. i was lucky to ever have had it. i wish with my entire soul i had cherished those last moments i spent there. or at least caught a glimpse of what the future held.. to be able to have taken one deep breath in and have known. maybe my hugs would have been a little longer, a little tighter. my words a little kinder, a little softer. but to just breathe in and have known.. maybe that would have been enough. boy, i don't know what i'd give to have had that. its one thing i really hate, not knowing what you are about to lose right when you are losing it. if im selfish for wanting it back, to ache for it every moment.. then im selfish. i feel like dorothy. i close my eyes and click my heels hoping it might work.
theres no place like home,
theres no place like home,
theres no place like home.
 maybe i'll be peter pan instead. hes selfish too.
i'll run away to neverland and never grow up.
my heart has been too aged for far too long.

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