"Do you ever miss me?" He asked one morning. The words fell from his lips like sour candy.
The question knocked the air from her chest. She sat. Breathlessly silent. The kind of silently breathless that can only come from dis-breathing loudly. Did she miss him? She had grown so accustomed to the feeling that any longing had surrendered long ago.
Truth was, her heart was cold and callused towards him from many attempts at staying detached. He was always pushing her away, always pushing. But did she miss him? She needed to sit. Yes, it was a truth she didn't want to admit.
"Yes," she answered. She could have lied, she supposed. Could have ignored him all together, but she was too curious.
"And you're not being sarcastic?"
"I wish i was."
"Do you want to be with me?" He asked.
She bit her tongue, knowing she would regret her answer. "Yes."
"I'm sorry I do this. I know you hate it."
"Then why do you do it?"
"To see where we are at, I guess."
"Do you want to be with me?" She asked.
"I do... but I can't, I need to focus on a mission."
"Then it looks like we are in the same place."
I really love this Lexi. You capture everything in this..heartbreak and desire, a longing for someone you know you can't have. But isn't it true? We always want the very most what we can never ever have.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. I love your writing, and I love your blog. There is so much life and feeling in it, both perfect and in pain.
You are wonderful dear..I understand this.
I'm hurting too.
Everything will work out though; for the both of us.