Sunday, December 27

exhaustion

i've been dragging my feet. repeating your words: "life is hard for everyone, lexi. not just you." what does that mean? do i feel sorry for myself? everyone goes through these things? its not alright to talk about my feelings? am i allowed to feel down?
dragging my feet, dragging my feet, dragging my feet.
i just have to make it through the day. mum's the word, keep that under your hat. its what i do, keep a strong face: smiles, smiles. "i'm fine. how are you?" everything is tired. my weary bones, achey eyes. the howling wind shakes my entire soul. i told callie, even my heart feels tired. right to the very core. i sleep all the time, never feel better. always so tired, so so tired. its in the back of my mind all day, dragging my feet to that bed. i sleep my days away. friends call, i let the phone ring. staring at the wall. i feel nothing. its that under-water feeling, constantly. the empty nothingness consumes me. shut up, lexi. life is hard for everyone, not just you. today felt really good. there was finally time. i was able to breathe. then... things caught up to me. my heart felt heavy, so so heavy. quit it, lexi. life is hard for everyone, not just you.
pounding through my head: i'm not okay, i'm not okay, i'm not okay.
stop. life is hard for everyone, lexi. not just you.
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